Slave for You
by Dontaskwho
Summary: Alison is a slave-owner's wife and Emily is her personal servant...
1. Chapter 1

**Dear Diary,**

 **I am officially Mrs. Alison Rollins, Mr. and Mrs. Elliot Rollins. No matter how I write it, it feels strange, this way the pencil fits in my hand when it makes those letters. It feels as though I am, somehow as well, another one of his slaves, ordering me to do this, and wear this, and say this. Though it is not a whip which he uses to keep me in line, but his money. Without saying a word, he can push me back into place with only the raise of his brow. It silently speaks to me. It speaks in his voice.** ** _Do you remember where your Mother is? Where_** **you** ** _were before I picked you up and gave you this life?_**

 **I am not the first Mrs. Rollins, nor am I the second. He will not speak but for a moment of them. Only a passing comment. His reluctance prompts the rumors which follow me everywhere I go. Some say that he killed one of them, but I don't believe that. He has never been physically abusive. Some say that one was caught with another man; or even worse, that she left him entirely.**

 **Personally? I think he had something each of them needed, and they either got tired of playing his games to keep it, or they crossed him one time too many and he cut them off. Both seem out of range for me. I cannot tire of it, and I cannot leave him. I need what he has like the air I breathe. His money is caring for my mother. The doctors say she has the tuberculosis, but the treatments are far too expensive for me to bear.**

 **When my father died he took our lives with him. He was a small farmer, grew tobacco for 28 years, and life was never exceptional for us, but when he left, it was the worst it could be. No money, my mother and I couldn't work the fields. We struggled for almost a year like that, ending up in the streets, before Elliott spotted me from inside the courthouse.**

 **He was transferring the papers on the purchase of another slave. He offered to take me home, give me clothes and food. He made me fall in love with him, but more importantly, he made me depend on him. I adjusted to a life I had never before experienced, and when it was threatened to be taken away, I gave in. I married a man I hate.**

 **I thought about leaving, but couldn't imagine going back to sleeping in a barn with horses and begging for food. Then my Mother became ill, and I gave in again. I agreed to have his baby.** ** _A man needs a son_** **he said. I prayed every day for a boy so that I wouldn't have to have another child. I couldn't bear to bring a child into this world with this man. The lord blessed me with Isiah. He is a year old now, and I am worried Elliot will become restless again. I don't know how much I have left to give.**

 **My personal servant, Emily, a strange name for a slave, will be in soon, so I must conclude today's journal. Expect more soon, he isn't one to let things get stale.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Dear Diary,**

 **Things are picking up around the plantation. As the leaves grow back on the trees, so does the cotton to the fields. Elliott hardly spends any time in the house, which I cannot complain about, and even when he is home, he is tired from his days. Dawn to dusk.**

 **Without him around, I have time for things like reading and writing, but those can only entertain to an extent. I feel trapped in this life, and I am beginning to feel bored in it as well. I'm young, but age is a temporary facet in life. I won't be 19 forever. I want to experience the life I was blessed with before it ends.**

 **My friends from home write of their happy lives with their happy marriages and happy children, and although those things I may not desire, I still find myself jealous. Perhaps it is of their happiness of which I have none. I am alone in this town, the only people I know are Elliott and Emily, neither of which I am comfortable around.**

 **The girl gets too close to me. When serving me tea, or sweeping the floor, she brushes against me. It is a strange feeling, and with all of the chaos in my life right now, I can not handle any strange emotions. Are they emotions though? I would say sensations is a more accurate word. Whenever her dark skin touches mine of white, I get chills and pull away.**

 **I suppose it is because she is less than me. I am not fully accustomed to having someone of dark skin be this close and intimate in my life. I never had slaves before I moved to the plantation with Elliott. He treats them like animals and calls them ugly, but although they make me feel strange, I think they are beautiful.**

 **They are so full of unique culture; from the way they speak to the things they speak of. Once when walking in the fields, I heard a man talking of the spirits of the homeland blessing the child his wife had just delivered.**

 **Physically, they are more dramatic than I. The cure of the body, the muscle tone, the color of their skin. I feel almost bland next to Emily sometimes.**

 **I also get the urge to ask her about where she came from, if she even remembers it. I haven't ever been out of Virginia, and think it would be fascinating to hear about somewhere across an ocean. Although I know I could ask, I feel that I shouldn't. I feel that she does not want to talk about what happened to her. I know I could make her, but I want it to be genuine, and full of that passion and spirit they possess. I want to be taken there in her words.**

 **She saw me writing yesterday and asked what it said. I was appalled at her abruptness at first, but soon realized that she was honestly curious. I asked her if she could read, to which she said no, and I began to wonder what that life would be like. To not know how to read or write, or do the basic things I do to keep me company.**

 **I feel empathy for them. I have told Elliott from the start that I don't approve of the way he treats those working for him. I am above them, but they are still people, and should be given basic dignities. So I did something that I was specifically told not to do. I told Emily I would teach her to read and write.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Dear Diary,**

 **Today was the first literacy lesson with Emily. It is like she is a blank canvass. She doesn't know even the basics, like the letters of the alphabet, so that is where I began. I made her swear absolute secrecy, because I feel that if Elliott were to discover what I am doing, he would for sure have me divorced.**

 **She is catching on quite quickly, though. I have an old piece of chalk and a board, and in my own handwriting, I am teaching another person something useful. I feel like I enjoy doing this, but Elliott would never let me be a real teacher. I am a woman, and I should be at home and he should work to provide for me.**

 **I am pleased with Emily's enthusiasm for learning. I am glad that she wants to learn as much as I want to teach her. I may just be paranoid, but I feel like she stares at me while I am writing or talking. It is a stupid thought. Of course she is staring. She is trying to see what I am writing, and how I am writing it. what a stupid woman I am.**

 **Although, I would like the attention of being stared at, if even from Elliott. It is as if part of that desire was filled in her eyes, but I long for more. I long for love and passion, of which she could not give me of course. I do enjoy the attention I get from being the most important person in the room. Of course I am always the most important when it is only the two of us in a room, but it is as if I am vital. I am the center of attention for something other than my skin color.**

 **Again, though, I feel myself looking at her and being in awe of her beauty. Her eyes are a unique color that shines in the light, and her skin glows in a different way than mine ever has. She moves silently and gracefully, and as much as it pains me to admit it, I do enjoy that this secluded and introverted girl has come out of her shell even slightly for me. Elliot may use brute force and callused behavior to build a relationship with his slaves, but I am looking for a new approach. I don't want her to fear me.**

 **God forbid Elliott ever read this, but I don't even want her to feel inferior to me. I want the two of us to be equals. To be…friends.**


End file.
